I’m sure you’ve heard of the two sisters in the Bible named Mary and Martha. I love that they were dear friends of Jesus, which means he knew them and they knew him. Up close and personal. For better or worse.

Let’s pick up the story during the time when Martha had too much work and not enough support, which led her to be reactive, super stressed, and overwhelmed, leading then to what some might call a “freak out.”

Question for you, dad: Would you use any of those words to describe your daughter, especially if she is traveling through “juvenile puberty,” a season that Dr. James Dobson describes as lasting at least five years where high levels of estrogen lead to significantly unstable and reactive moods, thinking patterns, and behaviors?

If you can relate - and if you’d like to learn a few tips from the expert (a.k.a. Jesus) - about what he did to enter the fray with his frazzled female friend to diffuse her reactivity, here are:

FIVE PHENOMENAL WAYS TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR DAUGHTER IN THE MIDST OF A MELTDOWN:

1. He lets her vent to Him while He listens to all of it.

Even when Martha dramatically tells Jesus that He “doesn’t care” about her (we would call that a false assumption, which always take place during “Category 5” meltdowns), in a self-absorbed way she continues by crying about having to do everything “by myself.” And if that wasn’t enough, she then barks at Jesus and demands that he tell her sister to help her. Excuse me! Doesn’t she know that you don’t talk to the King of the Universe like that?! Now bringing it closer to home: Does any of this sound familiar, especially during those times when your daughter talks to you with that tone or attitude?

Following Jesus example, that’s when you want to be a steady force by letting her vent to you without taking it personal or taking offense while listening to all of what’s weighing on her.

2. He says her name twice…gently and lovingly.

There’s something calming about hearing your name. It’s grounding for us girls. If you speak your daughter’s name with love in your tone, she will come towards you...eventually. You can even try saying something endearing to touch her heart space, maybe even a nickname you have for her like “honey” or “sweetheart.”

3. He sits with her in her emotional reality.

Jesus tells her that he knows that she’s worried and upset. He names what she’s feeling and doesn’t try to talk her out of it or try to get her to think rationally. No lectures. No criticism. He knows that she couldn’t hear it anyway. So he simply stays with her, looks at her, and puts words to what she’s feeling by kindly naming her emotions.4. He highlights all on her plate.

As girls we are wired to multi-task. That’s why we can talk on the phone, paint our nails, text our friend, and do homework…all at the same time! Yet all of a sudden we reach our max and then comes the explosion. Again, this is where we need gentle grace not power positions. Jesus told Martha that he knew she had “many things” going on, leading to her meltdown. How kind of him to notice that she really did have way too much to handle. Your daughter need the same type of validation and kind attentiveness from you.

5. He directs her to focus on one thing.

Jesus tells her that “only one thing is needed.” The implication is that it’s about focusing on Him as the one thing rather than all the needs around her. When we girls get overwhelmed with too much going on, we need gentle, supportive guidance while being reminded to take it one thing at a time. Breaking it all down into bite size pieces is immensely helpful when we’re breaking down.

A way to broaden that theme of focusing on one thing at a time, I would suggest asking her if there is one thing you could take off of her plate or you could help her think of one thing she could do to start making a dent in the whole or you could buy her a treat (one thing) to brighten her day.

Summing up: When your daughter is melting down:

1. Sit alongside her and listen to her vent.

2. Move towards her and lovingly say her name.

3. Describe her emotions by telling her that you understand she’s “worried and upset.”

4. Validate her by acknowledging that she does have too much on her plate (even if you think she doesn’t. Remember to honor her reality, not yours).

5. Help her to focus on one thing---or you can do one thing to lighten her load.

I know it’s easier said than done but these five things will make all the difference in the eye of the storm when you are there trying to keep up with her complexity.

And after the storm has passed, the main thing your daughter will remember is that you, dad, were there with her in it.