Over the years I’ve often asked dads who have partnered with me once a month for nine months (in The Abba Project) this question: Why are you giving your valuable time and energy to be here, willing to learn skills to better pursue your daughter’s heart, all while being pressed to engage in areas outside your comfort zone? 

Without exception, here is the essence of what every dad says:

“Because I love my daughter.” 

I believe you’re answering that question the same way or you wouldn’t be reading this blog (or listening to The Dad Whisperer Podcast or reading my dad-daughter books). 

Here’s what I want you to hear from my heart to yours: No matter what hand you were dealt from your father regarding what it looks like to be an engaged dad, you can choose now to be engaged and be the dad your daughter needs.

You’ll appreciate hearing what one fathering expert has to say on the matter (a man who is now my husband and someone I’ve admired and quoted for over a decade). Here are the words of Dr. Ken Canfield in The Heart of a Father: 

It may surprise you to learn that, in one bit of research at the National Center for Fathering, we discovered that a man’s relationship with his father is not the most significant predictor of his current relationship with his children. In other words, a painful past is certainly an influence, but not the “silver bullet.” Your commitment to become a dad of destiny can displace the negative effects resulting from a poor relationship with your dad. You can join the distinguished ranks of the “overcomer dads.”

I love that term, overcomer dads.

Let me be more specific. An overcomer dad is one who:

• Steps up even if your dad wasn’t a positive role model to show you how to be a great father

• Knows that it’s never too late to start “kicking things up a notch” with your daughter

• Learns from other dads while being willing to ask questions and ask for help

• Commits to being a strong, engaged father who leads your daughter well, even when it’s hard and she makes you work for it

• Doesn’t give up even if and/or when she pushes you away

• Initiates spending individual, quality time with your daughter, knowing this is how she’ll feel valuable and loved

• Pursues your daughter’s heart consistently because you know she’ll carry your love deep inside throughout her lifespan

• Finds creative ways to motivate her to reach her goals (not just yours) while she feels your unconditional support regardless of her performance

• Demonstrates patience with her even when she blows it or is hard to love

• Communicates love, affirmation and belief in your daughter regardless of whether she seems to soak it in

• Directs his daughter to connect to God as her Father with a goal to build a solid bridge to the One who will never leave her or forsake her

Dad, you are vital to your daughter’s health and well-being, and your presence in her life matters — big time. So if you’ve ever received a message to the contrary or doubted your value as a father, let’s turn that around now.

It is my utmost joy and honor to join forces with you as you fiercely pursue the heart of your daughter.

By doing so, you’ll join the ranks of overcomer dads.