Your Words Wear Me Out

Dad, have you ever thought or said these five words to your daughter: “Your words wear me out?” If so, you’re not alone.

Truth be told, I’ve had more dads than I can count tell me they often are glassy-eyed as their daughters (especially adolescent girls) talk so fast and furious that it’s like they’re standing there looking into a vast abyss of words. They admit to me that this is when their minds go blank and they can’t think of what to say next because they took a detour from the conversation a few exits back!

Case in point: Just this week a dad told me that he literally had no idea what his teenage daughter was talking about as he sat there and tried to keep up. My heart went out to him as I validated that his experience was normal. I then encouraged him not to walk away, ignore her, or shut her out because in doing so he shuts her down.

Girls take those types of non-verbal cues and not only interpret them as rejection, but assume that something is inherently wrong with who they are because they couldn’t keep dad interested in what they were saying.

With that backdrop, I think you’ll enjoy hearing the backstory to the title of this blog.

I’ll never forget the Monday night when my dad and I were having dinner at Costco. As he took a bite of his pepperoni pizza, out of his mouth popped this unexpected revelation:

“To be honest, Michelle, a lot of the time your words wear me out.
 I just can’t listen to you as much as you want me to because of
 there being so many words. Half the time you lose me.” 

I’m not gonna lie, I was shocked. I didn’t even know what to say at first because my dad had never told me this before and it kind of smacked me upside the head. But on the other hand, I was thankful he was being honest with me. I love real conversations that sit in the center of authentic relationships, even when they’re challenging and hard.

So what do you do if, like my dad, you have a daughter who has the “gift of gab” where her words really do exhaust you? 

Here are a few pointers that might help you to go the distance with your verbose daughter:

1. Hold on to the words of my friend, Joe Kelly (a.k.a. The Dad Man), who says that “a girl’s voice may be the most valuable and most threatened resource she has,” which means that as you respect and honor her voice, you teach her that what she has to say has merit.

2. Remember that we as girls tend to figure things out by talking, so you are giving her a profound gift just by actively listening as she hears herself process everything out loud.

3. Rest assured that your idea of what it means to have too many words and her idea of too many words are two different things, and as the adult it’s your job to pace with her----not the other way around.

4. Make sure that your own inner dialogue centers around gratitude that she’s talking with you because it sets a solid foundation for her to be open and transparent with you that will last for years to come. 

5. Don’t shame her or try to change her by criticizing her “mastery of language.”

6. Remind yourself that God creates and loves both introverts and extroverts and He has wired her this way for a purpose.

7. Turn your exhaustion and/or frustration into a prayer for her future, asking God to give her opportunities to use her giftedness with words to speak life and love into those around her.

8. Find creative ways to support her love for language by encouraging her to:

• join the debate class at school

• job shadow someone at a local television or radio station where she will get a front row seat to seeing life as an anchor, reporter, or host

• write something for the local newspaper or a national organization

• submit an article for an online magazine or digital forum

• start blogging or creating video content using her own thoughts, observations, questions, and convictions as she finds her unique voice

• begin taking steps to pursue writing a book on a topic she’s passionate about

• volunteer at an elder care facility where older folks who are lonely would cherish time with a talkative young girl while giving her their full attention as they enjoy her company

9. Be willing to do your own work by challenging yourself to track with her words as you ask questions to draw her out so she knows that the things that matter to her matter to you.

Dad, decide right now to give the gift of validation by celebrating every word that comes out of your talkative daughter’s mouth, reminding yourself that your listening ear communicates loudly and directly to her that she is worthy. 

How about letting her know today that her words don’t wear you out by staying for the entire conversation and actively listening. Then, cherish the fact that your daughter has a voice and is learning to use it wisely as she practices expressing it with you.

Summing up: When empowered women use their voices while simultaneously having dads who celebrate them by listening, they receive a double blessing.