Why Emotions Matter (Guest Blog with Terra Mattson)

Emotions. 😠😊😢😨😒

In healthy relationships, we make room for our emotions. In fact, we value them, rather than villainize them. 

When it comes to dads and daughters, emotional differences can lead misunderstandings and divisions, reactions and/or relational misses. Yet it’s important to know that our individual stories and our hard-wired natures cause some of us lead with our emotions while others lead with logic. There isn’t a good or bad, right or wrong.

Some of us were taught emotions are healthy while others were taught to ignore them.

Yet regardless of our starting point, we all have emotions.

When we learn how to name, care for, and utilize our emotions for our good and the good of those in our wake of influence, we become healthier and more wholehearted leaders. [Yes…you, Dad, are definitely a leader in your home so I’m speaking directly to you]. And when we take time to listen to our daughters with more compassion, we make wiser decisions in our responses.

Dad, as you grow in seeing the value of your daughter’s emotions and intentionally seek to understand and validate her needs and values as she expresses herself, the healthier and more wholehearted your leadership, engagement, and pacing with her will be.

Here’s another way to think about it. Emotions are not just a by-product of a good song or residue from a difficult conflict, they are created by a God who made us in His image (See Genesis 1:26). And if God has emotions, then by all means, emotions must be good. 

Having emotions is not the issue.

It's what we do with them that matters most.

The key is learning to not be ruled by our emotions by following them or stuffing them, but rather bringing them to the table to be a part of the overall discussion with our minds, our bodies, and our souls. This can take time and practice alongside a counselor, coach, or friend. [Dr. Michelle and I both love coaching men and women who need someone to walk with them into these more vulnerable areas…so don’t hesitate to reach out to either one of us!]

When we learn how to care for our emotions, we become better parents, spouses, and leaders, creating healthier trust-filled environments in our homes, work and communities. Caring for our emotions has the potential to strengthen relationships, which sets the foundation for healthier father-daughter bonding.

Dad, I encourage you today to:

• Make it your goal to make room for your daughter’s emotions while honoring her hard-wiring.

• Take a gentle step toward her while her emotions are being expressed.

• Come with curiosity and a willingness to better understand what’s going on in her heart.

• Let her know her emotions matter.

This is how you can build a safe home and a safe space for your daughter to be known, heard, seen, and loved…by you and by God.


Terra Mattson is an author, speaker, podcast host, and alongside her husband, Jeff, is co-founder and CEO of Living Wholehearted, LLC and Courageous Girls. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, licensed professional counselor, and executive coach, she has spent decades counseling, coaching, and training leaders around trauma-informed theology and wholehearted leadership.