Dads, Lead Your Daughter to Say MORE than Yes to the Dress

I thought I’d surprise you today with an exciting personal update because I have some REALLY BIG NEWS! 

I just got married last weekend and I’m on my honeymoon right now! (*I’ll share more details about my new husband at the end so read on…)

I’m so happy to share my love story with you and if you have a single daughter who longs to be married, I trust that the things I’m sharing today will also help you be more sensitive to her in this season of her life. Also, if you have a single daughter who longs to be married, I trust that the things I’m sharing today will also help you be more sensitive to her in this season of her life.

First, I want to begin by saying that I’m one of those women who is okay sharing her age, so here goes: I just turned 60 last month and this is my first (and only) wedding!! This translates to the fact that I have lived through every possible feeling when it comes to embracing my marital status through the years: content, miserable, lonely, satisfied, restless, resigned, cranky, happy, and on it goes. And as you can also imagine, I’ve been the recipient of every sentiment imaginable (mostly unsolicited), and just to give you a flavor of some of the literal things people have said to me, here’s a sample: 

“It’s hard to imagine that a guy hasn’t snatched you up.”

“The reason you’re not married is because you’re just too dang picky.”

“When you least expect it, he’ll show up.”

“I can’t believe you’ve never been married because you seem so normal.” 

The reality is that none of these comments were helpful…or accurate. And as you could probably guess, many times comments like these felt hurtful despite the potentially good intentions of those who said them, not withstanding the fact that they often weren’t true. 

Of course it’s all water under the bridge, but I’m here to say that your single daughter has probably heard similar things. And because I’ve learned a thing or two about “waiting for the right one” because I’ve waited a very long time for that right one, I want to share some things I believe your single daughter needs to hear from you so that she doesn’t settle for “Mr. Right Now” but instead waits for “Mr. Right.” 

You can see by the title of this blog that today’s theme is tied to the TV show, “Say Yes to the Dress.” If you’ve never seen it, I imagine your daughter has. Truth be told, I’ve watched more episodes than I dare to admit, but suffice it to say that I think there’s a bit too much time, money, and energy spent on buying the perfect dress, finding the perfect guy, planning the perfect wedding, all to have a perfect life. 

There’s not much focus on the importance of embracing a healthy, vibrant marriage or the part after she buys the dress. And equally important, what about the myriads of women who never get proposed to, but are longing to say “yes” to the guy and the dress?

All of this got me thinking: What if dads across America stepped in and led their daughters to think beyond the dress and the day. The reality is that you, Dad, have more influence in this area that you may realize.

Way too many women are inadvertently believing the lie that they’re not a success unless they’re dating, engaged, or married. That message is being perpetuated…everywhere…and it needs to stop!  

Your daughter needs YOU to help her stand tall in TRUTH so she can step into her calling without pouring all of her hopes and dreams into a fairy tale.

Your input into your daughter’s life has the power to carry a counter cultural message-which is that she has vibrancy and purpose beyond her marital status.

Here are two practical truths that your single daughter needs to hear from you today that will help her see that there is MORE to who she is and to her future than waiting to be married:

1. Tell her she’s beautiful and competent, qualified, and “enough” just the way she is, right where she’s at, whether or not there’s a boyfriend in the picture. 

Your daughter needs more encouragement, more support, and more validation from you in extra measure if she’s single. And even if she’s dating someone or already married, she still will thrive when hearing that you believe in her, are proud of her, and that you love her fully and completely (as a work in progress, just like you).

2. Let her know that even if she never gets married, you’re not disappointed in her and are proud of her for being her unique self.

Focus on highlighting what she is doing, not what she isn’t. And I don’t know why it is, but a lot of us women have believed that our parents will be happier if we have a husband and give them grandchildren. So when we feel we’ve failed to make our parents happy or proud of us in those areas (even if it’s never been communicated directly), we feel like a failure. This is where fathers are so important when it comes to communicating affirmation of their daughters at every age regardless of marital status. 

One last practical idea if your daughter is single. I promise that if you do this, dad, you will make a lasting heart deposit that she’ll always remember.

Dad, your affirmation of your daughter, coupled with your full support as she lives out her passions and dreams, will go a long way toward supporting her to live an empowered, authentic, fulfilling life whether or not she ever gets married. 

And as long as we’re on the topic of weddings, the best gift you can give me is to actively pursue your daughter’s heart today! Even better, write me at drmichelle@thedadwhisperer.com and share your stories of impact so that when I return from my honeymoon my inbox will be full of heart-warming, life-breathing, dad-daughter love stories.

Before I wrap up this blog, I want to close by telling you about the man that God brought into my life (just in case you’re wondering!).

My new husband’s name is Dr. Ken Canfield and he’s founded the National Center for Fathering 30 years ago. I’ve known him professionally since 2011 and he wrote the forward to my first book in 2014.Also, I had been friends with his deceased wife Dee for years before she died of a long-term illness. Then God surprised both Ken and I by revealing that he wanted us to partner together for life and we can hardly wait to do MORE life and MORE ministry together, especially in the area of the dad-daughter relationship [Yes, I’m saying MORE than “YES to the DRESS!”]

This is why marriage was worth the wait for me because I’m now married to a man whose values and vision and passion aligns with mine. 

I’ll keep you posted on projects we’ll be working on together in the months and years ahead, starting with the release of my new book on August 4 titled, “Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters.”You can pre-order now on Amazon here, or any other book retailer. 

Thanks for all your love and support!

Love, Michelle Watson Canfield