What Makes a Grown Man Cry
Michelle Watson
I wish you could sit where I sit and see what I see when I’m among a group of dads of daughters. There is tender, fierce strength that I witness time and again as I interact with fathers whose hearts are turned and activated.
You see, when it comes to fathers of daughters, there is a sacred space inside every dad’s heart that is uniquely impacted by his relationship with his girl.
I never take it for granted that I have the privilege of being invited into the inner circle of men in The Abba Project or when I travel the country speaking at men’s conferences. I love hearing your stories. I am grateful to be trusted with your fears. At other times I witness your tears (even if you say they’re “just allergies!”).
I don’t assume that men typically think of their tear ducts as being tied to their greatest inner strength. But I believe they are.
Here’s the truth about tears:
They come from the most alive place inside each of us
They are connected to the deepest spaces in our heart
They let us know that we care in substantial, significant ways
They move us emotionally, spiritually, and relationally
They awaken us to greater awareness
They reveal that we’re linked to people and causes that profoundly matter
In an article titled, “Why Do We Cry? The Science of Tears,” Dr. Nick Knight describes three kinds of tears that are naturally created by our bodies:
Basal tears or “worker” tears that keep our eyes lubricated,
Reflex tears that help us wash out irritants, and
Psychic tears or ‘crying’ tears that correspond to strong emotions, ranging from pleasure on
the positive end to stress, anger, sadness, suffering, and even physical pain on the negative
end.
If I may be so bold, I would like to add my own fourth category.
4. Authentic or ‘heart’ tears that are expressed in direct proportion to the quality of a connected
relationship that evokes this emotional response.
Stated otherwise, heart tears communicate the reality of what we carry most deeply within us, whether conscious or unconscious, in direct correlation to those we love and that which we love.
I guess you could say that tears are a gift because they reveal the truth of what is really going on inside of us.
What makes a grown man cry?
From years of observation, specifically in relation to dads of daughters, I’d say it’s when:
Something or someone profoundly touches his heart
His heart is broken over her life choices, past and present
His heart aches over regrets in his parenting, past and present
He longs for a better and closer relationship with his daughter, even if his tears stay inside himself
He feels emotionally connected to her, especially when he tells her what he’s feeling or thinking about her
Summing up, a good man cries when his heart tells the story through his eyes.
You have to believe me when I say that most of us as daughters feel our father’s love when you are moved to tears when talking about how proud you are of us, when you tell us how much you love us, and when you express your affirmation of the gifts you see in us.
When you “wear your emotions on your sleeve,” it can make your words significantly more believable and impactful (even if might feel uncomfortable while it’s happening).
And even if you’re not one given to tears, just remember that some people (like me) believe that it takes bravery for any of us to cry. Why? Because it takes courage to be seen as vulnerable and tender, and typically we won’t risk displaying raw emotion unless we feel safe and really feel something in the depths of our heart.
So Dad, why not give yourself permission today to let your daughter know how you really feel about her when she looks in your eyes and sees your eyes leak a little while you communicate love in ways deeper than your words.