The ABC's of Fathering

With this being the official start of the new school year (despite all the Covid-19 restrictions that definitely make it feel different), I thought it would be fun to take a walk down memory lane and lead you in a review of your A-B-C’s.

Of course you know I’m talking about a different use of those three letters as I introduce a new way to think about dialing into your daughter’s heart with what I like to call, “The ABC’s of Fathering.” 

action

I’m guessing that you had a favorite superhero growing up. I also assume that the reason you identified with that particular crime fighter was because he took action. Could you even imagine an impotent, lethargic, unmotivated, and distracted version of your champion? Of course not!

It’s the same with fathering. In order to be your daughter’s superhero, you have to take action to intentionally and consistently pursue her heart. And by “heart” I am referring to her core self that feels passionate and comes alive when being all of who she was created to be.

You probably already have a handle on what action steps touch your daughter’s heart, but in case you’d like an extra idea or two, action ideas include (but are not limited to): daily affirming her in written or verbal ways, showing up at events she is involved in, patiently holding her emotional reactivity, being present with your attention, listening fully, investing financially, and leading spiritually. (For more practical ideas on engaging your daughter’s heart, check out my new book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters).

Be the man you want her to marry.

The best way you can ensure that your daughter will marry a quality dude and not a dud is to model the kind of guy you want her to walk down the aisle to. 

You communicate more about her value and worth by the way you treat her than any lecture you could ever give. Stated otherwise, more is caught than taught. Let her experience in real time what it feels like to be treated like a lady and a woman of worth and value by you, the first man who held her heart and the one guy in the world who doesn’t have a hidden agenda in loving her.

Consistency.

There is a great verse that says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is like a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). This essentially means that if you make a promise to your daughter, keep it or she’ll shut down and lose her vibrancy.

And the result of being a promise-keeping, heart-pursuing, truth-speaking, tender-loving, consistent, stay-the-course dad to your daughter are as follows: 

• She will have a full heart that stays open (the opposite of being “heart sick”)

• She will be a vibrant, growing, maturing, life-giving “tree” (with limbs that reach up to the heavens and reach out to love others)

• She will have greater self-confidence, more emotional stability, and succeed in reaching her life goals (all of this is confirmed in the research).  

When your daughter consistently experiences that she can trust you because your words bless her and your actions affirm her, she will internalize your view of her. Your steady, dependable, reliable, and faithful pursuit of her heart will yield dividends that last long after you’re gone. She is your forever investment.

Like you’ve heard me say before: The harder the work, the greater the value. And the harder the work, the greater the reward. Your daughter is worth the work. She is your reward.  

So there it is. A “1-2-3, A-B-C” formula with an action plan that works if you work it. Why not choose one item from the list above right now to make your focus for this upcoming school year as you grow in new ways alongside your daughter?

There’s no better time than the present to kick these ABC’s into action in order to be the dad you want to be and that your daughter needs you to be.