At The End of Your Life...

I’m at the age where increasing numbers of friends are saying their forever goodbyes to loved ones. I can honestly say that more often than not I struggle to know how to best come alongside them in their grief. I still remember when one of my long-time friends lost her dad to cancer. Her heart deeply ached as she watched her once-strong father suffer, making his passing particularly bittersweet.

Then only three weeks later, I attended a memorial service for a well-loved, 42-year old friend of mine, a mom with three sons, whose unexpected death left a large community in shock as we all tried to wrap our minds and hearts around the fact that she was really gone.

[Her husband, Thom, has recently written an incredible memoir titled, “Good Grief: One Husband's Journey from Incapacitating Fear to Overwhelming Joy” and it’s available now. I endorsed it and highly recommend it as a resource for walking through loss.]

There’s nothing like the end of someone’s life to challenge everyone to do some serious soul searching about what really matters.

Do you ever wonder what your kids will say about you after you’re gone?

I think this is a good question to ponder. The truth is that the way you answer this question will significantly impact the way you live today…and tomorrow…and the day after that.

You know this already, but it bears repeating: We all leave a legacy. One way or another, we leave an imprint that lasts beyond our days on earth. 

Thus, I invite you to ask yourself another question, one that I often pose to dads of daughters because it leads them to be brutally honest:

At the end of my life, if my daughter had only ONE THING
to say about me, I’d want it to be...

I am always blown away at the incredible warmth and depth that arises from the hearts of fathers who share with me that they want their daughters to truly know how much they are loved by them. 

Here’s a few specific responses I’ve heard from dads in response to this question:

• That I was always there.

• That I loved her just the way she is.

• That I understand her.

• That my dad was the source of the courage and confidence I needed to take chances.

• That my dad was there when I needed him.

• That he was the best dad I could have asked for.

• That each one of my girls will say, 'I was his favorite.’

How about you? How are you completing this sentence right now? 

With pen (or phone) in hand, jot down your response and keep it written somewhere that you can see it---whether on a notecard, in your day-timer, or on your smartphone---and live today with the end in view. 

Dad, your legacy will live on into the future in direct proportion to your heart investment in your daughter’s life in the present.

P.S. If you could use more support in knowing how to open up challenging conversations with your daughter about grief and loss, I encourage you to get my new book, Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters where there is an entire section titled, Lead Her to Lament. All the scripts you’ll need to engage your daughter in deeper dialogues are there to build your competence and confidence.