How the Quinceañera Teaches Fathers to Celebrate Their Daughters
Michelle Watson
In celebration of my upcoming Spanish translation of Let's Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters, I’m sharing with you a heartwarming story I read awhile back that was tucked on the back page of a small-town newspaper. It was about a traditional Latino celebration as told through the eyes of a father. It was only after reading the article that I realized it was actually written by his daughter! This indicates to me that she got to feel and hear what her big event was like for him…at a heart level.
Clearly this dad’s love for his daughter is evident as he shares his perspective on the biggest day in his 15-year old daughter’s life, her Quinceañera, as it officially marked her leaving childhood behind while publicly embracing womanhood.
Though I’ve never attended a Quinceañera, this story makes me wish I had. I’m truly in awe of the precision to detail, preparation, planning, and investment of time and money that went into one single day for a teenage girl. What a forever gift she was given by her family! And similar to that of a wedding day, the focus is centered on a single “flower” who blossoms in front of all who come to celebrate only her. Even in the written story I could feel the incredible love that was poured over her, especially from her father, as four main events represented her transition from little girl to grown woman:
The changing of her shoes from flats to heels
Her dance with her last doll
Her crowning with a tiara
The dance with her father (which is said to be the most important part of the entire event)
Photography by Martin Muriel Fotografo, 2019. Full gallery available here.
It was so touching to see a picture of the dad kneeling at the feet of his daughter, removing her flat shoes while slipping onto her feet a pair of heels, as if she was a princess at the ball. In response to this interaction dad says,
“Seeing her walk in heels was probably what made it all real for me. She hadn’t worn heels because she wasn’t supposed to, so seeing her stumble around and try to find her balance was just reminding me that she was going to struggle on her road ahead and she was going to have to make herself stable again on her own.”
And there was dad, nearby, waiting in the wings, ready to catch her if she did indeed fall.
Dad continued by explaining how emotional it was for him to see his daughter laughing and smiling while dancing in her sparkling dress holding her favorite doll. He found himself reminiscing about how it seemed like only yesterday that she was playing with Barbies. It had gone by so fast and now here she was all grown up. Yet as her dad, he was filled with joy as he proudly showed her off to everyone.
Reading this story made me wonder what it would be like if every branch of society took a cue from cultures where dads actively celebrate and mark their daughter’s maturation in some kind of significant way.
And what if dads everywhere found a way to let their maturing daughters know they are dialed in, present, and on board as she transitions into and embraces womanhood?
I wonder what would happen if every girl, like the one in this article, knew that she had a day marked out for her where her dad treated her like the belle of the ball in a significant and celebratory way to confirm that she has profound value in his eyes. She would have that day and that event to look forward to long before it took place.
And if a big shindig isn’t your daughter’s style, maybe…
You could take her on a dad-daughter hike to a beautiful place in your state initiating a new annual tradition that celebrates her love of adventure and nature
She would enjoy a dinner party hosted at a restaurant with a few family and/or friends where you could surprise her by writing and reading a letter about what gifts you see in her that make you proud of her
You could have a fancy dinner at home where you read her a handwritten letter while the rest of the family listens, ending with a dance in the living room to a pre-selected song
She would like a piece of special jewelry that will remind her every time she wears it that she’s your girl and you love her to pieces
She loves risk-taking that activates her adrenaline while proving to herself that she’s brave, like bungee jumping, scuba diving, climbing a rock wall, or running a half marathon and you can celebrate together in that way
These are just a few ideas to hopefully spur your creativity and motivate you to plan ahead by creating an event to let your daughter know that you are excited to see your little girl grow up. Share your ideas with her and together decide what would have the most meaning to her. And if she’s already grown, you can do still do this in retrospect; she’ll still love the fact that you’re celebrating her now.
Dad, let’s start with practical steps. Connect with your daughter today---through your written, texted, or spoken words---and let her know that you celebrate the girl and woman she is. She’ll shine inside and out as you honor her today!
And just for fun, here's a video of an adorable dad-daughter Quinceañera dance where the two made this moment completely their own: