One Thing Your Kids Need to Hear You Say to Your Wife - And it's Not What You Think (Guest Blog by John Finch)
Michelle Watson
John is the founder of The Father Effect Ministries and is also the creator and storyteller of a documentary called The Father Effect Movie, which is available at thefathereffect.com. John has also written a powerful book, The Father Effect: Hope and Healing from a Dad’s Absence, where he shares his story of losing his dad to suicide at the age of 11.
~ Dr. Michelle
A few years ago, I was driving my family to a restaurant for dinner and I said something to my wife I should not have said in a tone I should not have used. There was a long silence. I realized the mistake I had made and I turned to my wife and said, "I'm so sorry for saying that. Will you forgive me?". She turned to me and said, "Yes, I forgive you." I explained to her why I was sorry and why I said what I did out of frustration. She reassured me it was okay.
My oldest daughter, who was sitting right behind my wife in the passenger's seat, said, "Dad, thank you."
I responded, "For what?"
She said, "For apologizing to mom." She was listening in on our conversation and I didn't even realize it.
There were two things I learned that day.
1. Our kids are paying attention to our conversations more than we think and we have to be aware and careful about what we say to one another and the tone we use.
2. We have to model what it looks like to ask for forgiveness.
What your kids observe outside your home often times isn't humility and forgiveness. Most people love blaming someone else and do not want to take responsibility for the consequences of their choices and actions. And, even more importantly, because we are not perfect as parents, there will be times we will need to be forgiven.
You are modeling what your kids believe a healthy relationship and marriage is supposed to be like.
Be intentional about admitting you are wrong and apologizing to your spouse in front of your kids. They need to see you do it to know how it's done and they won't know how it's done unless you show them.