Are You Leading Your Daughter to Conquer Her Fears?

All of us have fears. Some are little, some are big…and others are somewhere in between. Fears can knock us over in unexpected ways, they can lead us to implode or explode, they can cause us to lose our confidence, or they can keep us up at night as we replay events from the day or anticipate something that might happen tomorrow.

The reason I’m talking about this today is that at the start of this new school year, your daughter is going to face challenges that are different than she did a year ago. And she needs your support and encouragement to face and conquer her fears…one at a time.

Here’s my story of a BIG fear I’ve faced and overcome: 

During the first two years of my life, I endured….During the first two years of my life, I endured a myriad of medical procedures with extensive testing during long hospital stays. And yet the doctors struggled to figure out what was wrong with me. In the end, they discovered that I had iron deficiency anemia, and then with dietary changes, I slowly began to recover.

Though most of my experiences aren’t part of my conscious memory, I’ve lived out the truth of what experts say about memory being stored in the cells of our bodies. I used to live with extreme fears of doctors, needles, and hospitals. My intense fears were sometimes incapacitating. 

Yet despite these realities, after college I became a dental assistant, which forced me to face my fear of needles. There’s a longer story here, but suffice it to say that now I can enthusiastically and confidently assert that I feel empowered when going through any medical and dental procedure because I have absolutely no fear (and I’ve had a lot of practice in the last decade!). 

Sometimes I honestly can’t believe that I have so much courage in these situations now, and with deep gratitude I celebrate mastery over my former fears, which is truly a miracle!

Dad, I challenge you to commit to these action steps with your daughter as you support her in facing her fears just like I have:

• Never criticize or belittle her for being afraid. 

• Assure her that we all experience fear. 

• Share your story of facing and overcoming some of your fears.

• Invite her to write a list of her fears and help her face one at a time with a specific strategy. [see link to free handout below for a more detailed action plan]

• Encourage her with words that steer her in the direction you want to see her go.

• Let her know that the upside of the struggle is that when she conquers her fears, a strengthening will take place in the core of her being as she rises above. 

• Highlight that she will be stronger and more resilient with greater confidence on the other side. (And it’s always a great idea to use the illustration of the beautiful butterfly who pushes out of the cocoon in order to fly!)

• Remind her that she has the opportunity to GROW THROUGH what she GOES THROUGH.

Dad, you have a profound opportunity to walk alongside your daughter as you encourage her to face her fears and rise above them. Through this process, she’ll discover and embrace being the best version of herself as she kicks fear to the curb and presses in to all that God has created her to be.

And if you want to follow in the footsteps of another famous encourager, speak these wise words to your daughter that Christopher Robin expressed to his fear-ridden companion, Winnie-the-Pooh: “You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

[This excerpt is adapted from my book, “Let’s Talk: Conversation Starters for Dads and Daughters.” For more questions to use with your daughter from my book, click here for the link.

AND...I’m attaching a FREE questionnaire here from the book to ask your daughter as you help her face her fears.]