The Garrison of Comparison

I can’t believe how often I get nicked by “the garrison of comparison.” That’s what I’ve been calling it lately.

A garrison is “a body of troops stationed in a fortified place.”

This definition creates a picture in my mind of the people I compare myself to. When I was younger, it showed up in the form of sibling rivalry. Now it’s more about others who are succeeding in areas where I wish I was. The reality is that I see all of these people standing around me as a “body of troops” and I’m the one stuck in the middle, the one who ends up feeling immobilized and trapped, “stationed in a fortified place” when I size my life up next to theirs.

I often describe this kind of thinking as being in a hamster wheel, running fast, yet going nowhere.

I wish I didn’t do this or think like this. I wish I could stay in my lane without looking in my peripheral vision to see the “runner” next to me. Yet whether I’m looking at someone else’s successes or opportunities or at their body shape or martial status (this was significant before I was married), it too often catches me by surprise. And once it grabs hold, it doesn’t let go very easily.

As you hear me say these things, do any of my words remind you of things you’ve heard your daughter express?

If she hasn’t revealed them to you, I would venture a guess that she’s been garrisoned by the trap of comparison just like I have. And I imagine that it’s seeking a stranglehold on her, just like it has on me.

So what can you do to guide your daughter to avoid the comparison trap?

1. Ask her to share how or where or in what ways she compares herself to others.

2. Tell her what you see when you view her life---work ethic, commitment, endurance, generosity, strength of character, etc.---so she can replay your perspective to combat her critical thoughts.

Perhaps, like me, you’ve read II Corinthians 10:12 that says comparing and measuring ourselves to others not only isn’t wise, but it’s like “moving into someone else’s territory” (The Message Bible). That really is what it’s like when we don’t stay in our lane to run our own unique race that’s set before us.

I want to be free from comparison. I’m sure your daughter does too.

So I decided to take some action and created a visual diagram. [This is a practical exercise to do with your daughter].

I drew a circle with the word “me” in the center. Then I wrote the names of people in my life who I compare myself to all around that circle. There in black and white I had to admit that jealousy comes up for me even though I love these friends and celebrate their gifts and opportunities.

I noticed the negative feelings I had inside as I faced the harsh realities before me.

But then, by way of contrast, I drew a second picture. Again, I started with a circle and wrote “me” in the center, but this time I wrote the names of the Trinity (Father God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit) around me.

Immediately I felt calm inside. It was almost as if I was getting a hug from the Three of Them! I realized anew that when I look at my reflection in Their mirror, I’m at peace with who I am and where I am.

[If you or your daughter aren’t comfortable relating to God in this way, you could make your second picture such that all around your daughter are the names of those in your family and her life who unconditionally love her, independent of anything she does or doesn‘t do, and ask her to notice how she feels].

I trust that wherever your daughter is at, you will reinforce the truth that she is precious just the way she is. Whether her body is too this or too that, whether she has or has not, whether she’s got it or doesn’t, whether she’s up or she’s down, the most important things to reinforce are that:

• You love her fully just the way she is

• God has His hand on her life, even if she can’t feel it

• As she keeps looking to God for the truth of her identity, she’ll be happier and steadier in her own lane, being her authentic self

That’s the beautiful kind of “fortified place” that will bring her safety, security and peace.