Dad, Here are Your Lines

By now I’m sure you’ve heard me share one of the most significant things I’ve discovered about men over the last five years in leading The Abba Project. It’s simply this:

Men would rather do nothing than do it wrong.

But that’s not the whole story. Now I’m ready to update that observation after spending time with over 70 dads who have eagerly invested in becoming the best fathers they can be through this nine-month process:

Men are ready to do something as long as it connects with what or who they’re passionate about and as long as they have the template to succeed.

This is where I come in. As a woman it is my desire to equip and support you as a dad to hit it out of the ballpark in the area of fathering your daughters. I want to help you to decode your daughters because I know we girls can be confusing. And once you’ve figured out the key to our hearts, you’ll have this locked in!

Here’s how it works as a win/win: Just read the scripts I give you and if it bombs, blame me. I’ll be your fall guy. So there’s no way you can do it wrong! And if you’re anything like the dads I’ve walked alongside, once you see the positive responses from your daughter, you’ll be convinced that this works.

If you’re ready to kick it up a notch and daily invest in the heart space of your daughter, I want to give you the decoder version of how we girls understand and translate your responses to us. This underscores why I believe that YOU DAD are a key to building your daughter’s confidence and identity. (I’m attaching a pdf of this list at the end of this blog, so you can print it out and use it as a daily reminder).

Here goes:

If you, dad, laugh at her jokes, she tells herself, “I’m funny.”

If you discuss politics and world events with her, she tells herself, “I’m interesting.”

If you draw her out, asking her opinion about a fact, theory or line of thought, she tells herself, “I’m knowledgeable.”

If you ask for her help to fix something, she tells herself, “I’m capable.”

If you ask her to help you brainstorm about buying a present for mom, she tells herself, “I’m clever.”

If you applaud her for her achievements in sports, grades, music or work, she tells herself, “I’m competent.”

If you enthusiastically affirm her artistic endeavors, she tells herself, “I’m creative.”

If you celebrate her academic prowess, she tells herself, “I’m smart.”

If you actively listen to her while she is talking, she tells herself, “I’m engaging.”

If you teach her to say “no” and then respect her boundaries, she tells herself, “I’m strong.”

If you light up and brightly smile upon seeing her, she tells herself, “I’m delightful.”

If you respect her opinions about topics ranging from literature to spiritual things, she tells herself, “I’m wise.”

If you treat her with kindness, understanding, tenderness, and love, she tells herself, “I’m worthy.”

And on it goes.

There is no end to the impact on a daughter from the messages her dad gives her. They can be positive or negative. It’s up to you Dad to decide how you want to invest.

To sum up, the bottom line is this:

The clearer a dad’s positive messages are to his daughter, the less reading between the lines she will need to do to figure out what you really think of her and how you see her. She will thrive as she knows and feels that she is delighted in by her father.

When a girl feels her dad’s heart turned toward her she believes she can be who she was created to be!

Dad, Here are Your Lines.pdf

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Messages on Mirrors

Image credit: Jaume Escofet 

I forget what age I was when I heard my first nursery rhyme, but there is one in particular that is burrowed deep into my memory bank like a steel nail into softened wood. 

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

This quote, as you probably remember, comes from the fairy tale Snow White.  Every day Snow White’s stepmother would ask the mirror this infamous question, serving to illustrate that the way a woman often determines whether or not she is beautiful is to ask this one power-packed question of an inanimate object. No human interaction necessary. Interesting, to say the least.  

We all know the way this fairy tale ends. One day the mirror definitively announces that Snow White is indeed the most beautiful woman in the land, thus leading the wicked queen to plot the murder of her own step-daughter. (Isn’t it crazy to think that these types of stories are told to impressionable little children where hatred, betrayal, and murder are presented as acceptable?!  Yikes!)

This story leads me to ask the question:

What impact does this tale have on young girls as they absorb the subliminal message that beauty is determined by something outside of oneself?

But even more concerning is the way this story models how easily a powerful woman can succumb to listening to the feedback of a mirror over that of another human being or even herself.  In modern terminology this translates to a woman “listening” to the definitive messages from magazines, television, and movies (a.k.a. main stream culture) as the ultimate definer of beauty.  Inanimate objects at the helm once again.  Not so different than the fairy tale your daughter may have heard as a little girl.

The truth is that your daughter is asking this same question every single day of her life:

“Am I beautiful?”

She longs to be told she is beautiful.

She wants to know if she is beautiful.

She needs to know that she is beautiful.

She will keep asking and looking until someone tells her that she is.

She needs YOU dad to answer her question.

If she doesn’t hear it from you she will find another mirror on another wall who will tell her she is the fairest maiden in all the land.  Sadly, some of the “mirrors” who tell her these words have a hidden agenda, ready to tell her what she wants to hear in order to get or take something from her.  

You have no other agenda than to let her know that you see her beauty completely and fully.

She will never tire of hearing you tell her what you see when you look at her.

Here is how Rick said it to other dads in The Abba Project as they stand together with the goal of intentionally pursuing their daughter’s hearts, 

“We’ve got a job to do, men.  We need to reinforce what we see in our daughters because it counters what society is telling them as women.”

The truth is that you are a mirror to your daughter, a truth that invites the question:  What kind of mirror are you?  

Give her specifics about what you see in her that is beautiful. 

• What about her eyes are breathtaking?

• What about the way she did her makeup today is pretty?

• What about the color she's wearing looks stunning on her?

• What about her personality is creatively being expressed in her outfit today?

Dad, stand up as a warrior and help to fight for your daughter.  She needs YOU to do battle for her so she can see herself as she truly is.

Here’s your practical battle plan:  

Write messages with ERASABLE MARKER directly onto her mirrors (bathroom, bedroom, rear view mirror, or overhead mirror in her car) or on STICKY NOTES that you can attach to any or all of her mirrors (bathroom and bedroom) with TRUTH about her from your point of view.

p.s  And since a picture is worth a thousand words, here is a picture that Abba Project dad, Dan, took of his daughter who is sitting by the messages he wrote on her mirror.  He regularly writes messages now for her and she never wants to take them off her mirror.  That's what I call win/win!

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What Does it Mean to Lead Your Daughter Spiritually? My Guest Blog at Shaunti.com

It is always an honor for me to be asked to be a guest blogger for best-selling author, nationally-renowned social researcher and speaker, Shaunti Feldhahn. Below you'll find an excerpt of what is up on her site, with a link to full post below!

"Dads…I realize that I may be treading on sacred ground here as I provide you with suggestions about what it means to be a spiritual influence in your daughter’s life, so please understand that I am approaching this subject with the greatest of respect. I am not seeking to dictate or dominate because I realize that spiritual beliefs and practices are a very personal thing. But I would like to propose some ideas of what it means to spiritually lead your daughters, not only based on my experience but also from first hand information that I’ve received from girls who have stated what they would like more of from their dads.

I trust that you will take this information and glean from it in action and not just in head knowledge.

Here are some practical things that you can start doing today in order to engage your daughter spiritually:" (To find out what these things are, please head over to Shaunti.com to finish reading!)

Image credit: "The smile that would make you happy" by Lara Cores is licensed under CC by 2.0.

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Perfume Day: The Tradition Continues

By now most of you have heard me talk about one of my most favorite days of the year: PERFUME DAY! And once again, I just have to talk about it (in hopes that dads across America--and the world--will join in spoiling their daughters with this amazing tradition).

Just in case you haven’t read about it in my book or read a past blog, Perfume Day is a day my dad came up with 23 years ago where he takes his daughters on a date to buy perfume as part of our annual Christmas tradition.

Why do I love this day?

1. Because it’s unnecessary and extravagant, which makes it even more special because my dad doesn’t have to do this; he spends money on me because he loves me.

2. It feels like my dad is shouting from the rooftops that I am worth his investment.

3. Because he enters into the whole process with me and smells at least a dozen scents on my arms and hands as I try them on (since we all know that the only way to know if a scent really works is to see how it sits on one’s skin!).

4. He takes the time to enjoy me and isn’t rushing through it or checking it off his to-do list.

5. I can feel his happiness during the whole experience, which makes my heart smile too.

6. I know that the perfume will be something I’ll have on my counter as a reminder of our fun dad-daughter date for the next 365.

7. It’s something that I look forward to all year long and is something I have as a forever memory with my dad.

And since a picture is worth a thousand words, here are a few pictures to give you the real flavor of the tradition (the hair is the best way to document the journey, don’t you think?!)

But before I wrap this up, I’d love to share two stories with you because maybe like Steve, you’ll find that your 14-year old daughter is now looking forward to her second annual perfume date. Here is how Steve told it to me last year:

"Maddie and I enjoyed our first 'perfume day' on Christmas Eve.  At first she was all, "That's weird.”  But then she said, "Dad, I'd really like to do that..."...and so we did and it was fun.  I think she was shocked that it didn't matter what it cost - $59 for a sense of value beyond a sticker price seems like a good value, why wouldn't any father do that..."

Or maybe you’ll be like Mark who jumped on the bandwagon five years ago with his two adult daughters.  Funny story: I ran into them at the mall two weeks ago on the night of their perfume date.  Of course I had to go in for a photobomb! (Look at the smiles on all of their faces that tell the real story.)

And if, by chance, you have a daughter who isn’t into Perfume Day, just know that this whole thing is about a dad dialing in to what his daughter loves and then spoiling her with a treat that serves as a reminder of his love for her. So if something from Home Depot would have that kind of meaning for your daughter, then by all means, let the dad-daughter date happen there! 

Take pictures, document the journey, and share your pictures with me.  Post them on my Facebook page at www.facebook.com/drmichellewatson or on Twitter @mwatsonphd using the hashtag: #perfumeday.

So let the smell of sweet perfume fill the air!  Merry Christmas to you.  

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The Father Wound of Anger: My Guest Blog at Shaunti.com

I'm excited and honored to have been asked to be a guest blogger for Shaunti Feldhahn. Here's a little preview, but be sure to head over to her site to read the article in its entirety!

"If you were to walk up to me and ask, “Michelle, if you could give me one piece of advice about where to deliberately focus my attention so that I’m not perpetuating the cycle of father wounds onto my daughter, what would it be?” Without hesitation I would say: Stop venting your anger at your daughter.

• Your anger destroys her spirit.
• Your anger shuts her down.
• Your anger makes her believe unloveable and unworthy and not worth loving.
• Your anger crushes the core of who she is.

Even if you feel justified in your expression of anger at her, stop and first ground yourself before exploding. I hear more stories from girls on how their dad’s anger deeply impacts them than I do anything else about their dads. I see the pain in their eyes as they tell the story and my heart breaks because I know their dads love them but oftentimes when he’s has had one too many things go wrong in his day with little to no margin left, he comes home and his daughter gets the fumes. It doesn’t take much for him then to blow, often treating her in a way that he later regrets, but by then the damage is done. She is left bleeding on the inside..."

To finish reading, head to Shaunti.com.

Photo credit: John Brawley via Compfight

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DADVICE: What to do When Your Daughter Gets on Your Last Nerve

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of hearing renowned author Anne Lamott speak at Powell’s, one of our infamous Portland bookstores. At one point in her talk she had us all uproariously laughing when she admitted that years ago as a new mom and exhausted single parent she had the understandably human thought to put her newborn baby boy outside. For just one night. With the dog. (As if those last two qualifiers somehow made it okay!)

It was refreshing to hear Anne’s gut-level honest disclosure about parenting. And it was clear from the enthusiastic response of the crowd that her irreverent revelations about her secret thought life when it came to mothering brought a bit of relief because most likely every mom and dad in the room could relate to the fact that:

1. Parenting is hard.

2. Parenting is exhausting.

3. Parenting is relentless with no reneging on the commitment.

4. Parenting takes more out of mom and dad than each knew they were signing up for.

5. Parenting has the potential to lead two rational adults to the brink of insanity!

Now let’s shift gears and focus specifically on fathering: As a dad you no doubt have had your buttons pushed one time or another by your daughter (especially as she grows older). You may have found yourself wondering how she figured out the password that gained her access into your internal hard drive, the one that activates every response in you that you promised you’d never have as a father. And then there you are, responding in anger or with a harsh reaction, impatience, or indifference and regrettably hurting the one who not so long before had you driving around with a “Precious Cargo on Board” sign in the window.

And though I never want to come across as a “know-it-all,” I’d love to offer a word picture that might come in handy next time she’s gotten on your last nerve and you want to do things differently.

In your interactions with her perhaps it would help to think back to the day she was born when you saw her as a delicate flower.

Recall how gently you held her, careful not to break her. You took extra precaution so as not to drop her head or jiggle her body too aggressively. You made sure you didn’t talk too loud or shout in order not to scare her. Do you remember that feeling of being overwhelmed with her adorable little features while thinking that you had never held anything so small or beautiful?

Truth be told: This is how you still need to think of “holding her.” She is still just as delicate on the inside as the day she was born. She still needs to be handled with kid gloves. I’d even suggest posting one of her baby pictures in a place where you see it every day as a reminder.

One thing that my dad has had to do with me is soften his tone in order to connect with me (and sometimes it’s been me who has had to soften with him so I know this goes both ways). I know this is something that doesn’t come naturally for him (or for most men, as per the feedback I’ve gotten from men I interact with in The Abba Project who admit to this fact), but it can be done. That’s where the “delicate” part of relating to girls comes in---not that we’re fragile and delicate in terms of our personalities, per se---but more in the way we respond relationally.

I’m not expecting you to be super human or perfect but do want to challenge you to make a commitment today to make a new covenant with your mouth to not vent anger or react with harshness toward your daughter from this day forward. When triggered, just walk away and ground yourself first before responding.

Make a decision to consistently water your beautiful little flower with your words of life!

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10 Reasons I'm Really Thankful for Fathers

Since this is Thanksgiving Week, I figured it was a fitting time to let you dads hear from my heart about what I really think about you!

Having come alongside girls and young women now for the past 35 years, I can undoubtedly say that a father is one, if not the most important person in his daughter’s life.

Yes, moms are essential and necessary and important on more levels than I can count, but every mom out there would support me in saying that her dad was vital to her core sense of identity. He helped shape her self esteem and self worth, and the foundation that her dad laid (or didn’t lay) has impacted how she still views herself today.

Now back to dads. I want you to know what I really honestly think and believe about you. Plain and clear. Straight to the point. This is why you really make a difference.

1. You are the one whose opinion matters most.

2. Your attention communicates more per square inch than you’d imagine.
(I’m not sure why it does, but it just does. You’ll have to believe me on that one!)

3. When you show up, it carries more relational points than most anyone else.

4. When you provide for her needs, she settles into knowing she’ll be okay.

5. Your gaze shouts that she really does have value.

6. Your smile tells her she’s loved and special.

7. You make her day with the way you respond.

8. When you’re proud of her, she thrives in doing anything to ensure that you are.

9. When you’re around, she feels safe.

10. Your support makes her believe she can do anything as long as you’re there.

So just in case you ever think that your presence in your daughter’s life is insignificant or less than essential, please trust me when I say that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

I am thankful for each of you and the way you are literally changing the core of our culture from the ground up by being intentional and consistent in pursuit of your daughter’s hearts!

To sum it up I simply say, “Thanks Dads.”

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Dad, Why Are You Backing Away?

The other day I was getting a pedicure and had a unique experience (yes, toe pampering just happens to be one of those indulgences I justify under the “self care” category of my life). Now before you stop reading because you’ve decided that this doesn’t sound like a blog that speaks to men, hang in there and I promise it will.

You see, what I love most about the whole foot extravaganza thing is that it is a type of forced rest. I can kick back and relax while flipping mindlessly through at least ten or twelve magazines, trying my hardest not to think about anything that might stimulate even the slightest level of neurotransmitter activity!

On this one particular Saturday I was seated next to a woman who I’m guessing had way too much caffeine en route to her appointment. In a much-too-loud-for-normal-salon-etiquette voice she enthusiastically introduced herself to me. “Hi…I’m Samantha…what ya reading there?”

To be honest, I was a bit irritated at first because I really didn’t want to talk. It wasn’t anything personal; I simply wanted to be quiet. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that I didn’t have much choice but to join in because this woman was going to keep knocking on my door until I answered.

As often happens when meeting a stranger, we got to talking about what we both do. Of course this opened up the topic of dads and daughters. That’s when the conversation took a right turn into her heart space.

This 25-year old woman dove head first into the story of her father, the man she lost five years ago, the dad she lost much too soon. With passionate energy she expressed how much he meant to her and how he could never be replaced. It was then that she shared something a bit more vulnerable, something that struck a familiar cord because I’d just had a similar talk with a group of dads who were addressing this same topic from the other side of the solar system.

"As soon as I grew boobs our relationship changed forever. The wrestling stopped. I was 13 when it stopped and I didn't know why. I was an adult when I figured it out. It changed from 13 to 17. I felt abandoned by a man who had been there my whole life and I didn't know what I had done wrong.”

Did you hear it? Did you hear how she spent years blaming herself for her dad’s withdrawal from her?

We girls do that. In all of our relationships, frankly. Psychologists call this “self referencing.” It’s very different from narcissism even though at first glance it could possibly look the same. This isn’t about thinking that we’re the center of the universe. It’s that we think if you get to the center of our universe then you’ll discover that we’re not worth the pursuit. We often struggle to be okay within ourselves and think it’s a matter of time before you’ll come to the same conclusion.

Here’s what I want to say to those of you who are fathers: I know you don’t always know what to do or where to hug when your daughter’s body starts changing. It’s like your little princess somehow turns into a young maiden overnight and rather than potentially pressing into “the wrong places” by accident, it seems easier to back away. Sometimes you would rather do nothing than do it wrong.

But you can’t do that. As a token female I want to say that when we’re hugging someone, our bodies don’t feel any different in that region than any other part. To say it bluntly, when I’m hugging my dad or a guy friend, my breasts aren’t an erogenous zone.

Listen to what Ken, a former dad in The Abba Project told another dad who was navigating this with one of his daughters:

“You know, if you back off she’s going to internalize it as something being wrong with her.”

Well said, my friend.

Then Mike weighed in:

“I used to wrestle with my daughter and then I stopped for the exact same reason. But since doing this group and seeing how important it is to connect with her, I’ve started wrestling with her again. Guess what I’ve noticed? She’s hugging me more!”

Dad, please don’t pull away when your daughter hits adolescence. She needs you more during those years than ever.

The reality is that when you step back physically you are leaving her open prey for guys to swoop in and fill the void. And since this post is a bit more candid than others I’ve written, I might as well keep it going by saying that the best contraceptive your daughter will ever have is that of you showing her healthy physical affection as she grows older, demonstrating what safe touch feels like in the context of honored boundaries. This will go farther than any lecture you could ever give on boys or safe sex.

Samantha really did end up being a delightful woman once I was open to interacting. And not only did she give me permission to share her story but she wanted me to be sure and let fathers know how much they affect their daughters when they are in that prepubescent stage.

“I know its awkward but she's hasn't noticed yet. Don't be the first one to pull away. You'll regret it forever. Luckily my dad and I had enough time to repair our relationship. I was 20 when he passed. He went from diagnosis to passing in just eight weeks.”

Hearing Samantha’s story highlights a very central truth that I hope every dad hears: you are leaving a lasting legacy in your daughter’s life and she is worth every ounce of investment because she’s your forever deposit.

Show your daughter what real, safe, healthy affection feels like---two strong and loving arms of her dad wrapped around her, communicating with demonstrative action that she is valuable and worthy.

Have you hugged your daughter today?

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The ABC’s of Fathering

Ever since John Gray’s book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, was released twelve years ago many of us been referring to women as “Venusians” and men as “Martians.”  

I realize that guys got the short end of the stick on that label (sorry men!), but regardless of descriptions this book really does sum up the obvious:  men and women are from two different planets.

We don’t think the same. We don’t talk the same. We don’t feel the same. We don’t live the same. Our wiring is different. Our needs are different. Our priorities are different.

This brings to mind something that one of the dads in my group inadvertently said one session. He wasn’t sure of the name of the original book title so in talking about the differences between men and women he said, 

“Women really are from Venus and Men are from…is it Pluto?!”

He didn’t say it to be funny but we all roared with laughter.  I told him I actually like his version better than the original!

I didn’t realize this until later but experts say that the distance between Mars and Venus is anywhere between 35 and 222 million miles while the distance between Venus and Pluto is actually farther than that. The distance between Venus and Pluto is actually three billion miles, which probably more accurately reflects the gap between men and women!  

For a lot of dads who start this journey of intentionally pursuing their daughter’s hearts they think their relationships can’t get any closer.  They’ve resigned themselves to believing that the three billion mile gap is not only normal but is a fact that can’t be changed or altered.  

I talked to a couple of dads just this week who have admitted to blowing it with their daughters.  Each one is now living with relational distance as a result.  They feel they’re going to have to live with it the way it is.

I’m standing here shouting a message of hope to these dads and each of you by saying, 

“Yes, it can be changed…

but YOU are the one who has to move your planet closer to hers.”

In the past five years since starting The Abba Project (the group I lead for dads with daughters between the ages of 13 and 30), I’ve slowly been learning to speak Martian.  I guess you could say that I’m bordering on being bi-lingual!  

One of the main things I’ve learned about speaking Martian is that you men don’t like too many words. You want me to get straight to the point. You want an action plan, and you want solutions that work.

Following that grid, here are three “quick-and-to-the-point” components to being a dialed-in dad, something I like to call “The ABC’s of Fathering.” 

Action.

I’m guessing that every one of you had a favorite superhero growing up.  I’m also guessing that the reason you identified with your particular crime fighter was because he took action.  Could you even imagine an impotent, lethargic, unmotivated, and distracted version of your champion?  Of course not!

It’s the same with fathering.  In order to be your daughter’s superhero, you have to take action to intentionally and consistently pursue her heart.  And by “heart” I am referring to her core self that feels passionate and comes alive when being all of who she was created to be.

You probably already have a handle on what action steps touch your daughter’s heart, but in case you would like an extra idea or two, action ideas include (but are not limited to):  daily affirming her in written or verbal ways, showing up at events she is involved in, patiently holding her emotional reactivity, being present with your attention, listening fully, investing financially, and leading spiritually.

Be the man you want her to marry.

The best way you can ensure that your daughter will marry a quality dude and not a dud is to model the kind of guy you want her to walk down the aisle to. You communicate more about her value and worth by the way you treat her than any lecture you could ever give. Stated otherwise, more is caught than taught. Let her experience in real time what it feels like to be treated like a lady by you, the first man who held her heart and the one guy in the world who doesn’t have a hidden agenda in loving her.

Consistency.

There is a great verse that says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is like a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). This essentially means that if you make a promise to your daughter, keep it.  And the result of being a promise-keeping, heart-pursuing, truth-speaking, tender-loving, stay-the-course dad is a daughter 

• whose heart will stay open (the opposite of a “sick heart”),
• who will be a vibrant, growing, maturing, life-giving “tree,”
• who will have greater self-confidence, more emotional stability, and succeed in reaching her life goals (all of this is confirmed in the research). 

When your daughter consistently experiences that she can trust you, she will internalize your positive view of her. Your steady, dependable, reliable, and faithful pursuit of her heart will yield dividends that will last long after you’re gone.   She is your forever investment.

And like I say in my book:  The harder the work, the greater the value.  And the harder the work, the greater the reward.  Your daughter is worth the work.  She is your reward.  

So there it is.  A “1-2-3, A-B-C” formula with an action plan that works if you work it.  And there’s no better time than the present to kick these ABC’s into action in order to be the dad you want to be and the dad your daughter needs you to be.  

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Why it's so Hard for Daughters to Heal from Father Wounds: My Guest Blog at More to Life Magazine

"There is a delightfully quirky poet named Shel Silverstein who many of us grew up reading. I am especially fond of his poem called Hinges.

“If we had hinges on our heads there wouldn’t be no sin.

‘Cause we could take the bad stuff out and leave the good stuff in.”

If only there was a neurological delete button or some kind of magical mental scour pad to erase the hurtful messages that so easily play on repeat in our brains. I’d sign up in a heartbeat if something like that existed, wouldn’t you?"

I’ve always been a bit of an intense bumpkin, a “feeler,” I guess you could say. My dad, on the other hand, isn’t wired quite the same. You see, he grew up in an alcoholic home with harsh realities that one would expect to go along with that kind of environment. Living in extreme poverty on the south side of Chicago there were three different last names among the seven kids, which essentially translated to a survival-of-the-fittest way of functioning. My dad developed a strong work ethic at a young age while intentionally putting his mind over matter. There wasn’t time or opportunity for self-pity so after years of conditioning he learned to make the best of things without complaining.

There’s much about his stance that I respect. But there are other parts of it that couldn’t be further from how I live or the way I’m wired. I thrive on talking about the story and the backstory, the truth and the pain and the lies that are embedded in the wounds. In fact, I’m so invested in living like this that I not only function this way in my own personal life, but I do this as a profession.

Let’s press rewind for a minute. At 24 years old I was working as a dental assistant while living at home after college. It was a bit of a dreary time for me but I was trying to love and serve God as best I knew how despite my melancholy vantage point and single-white-female reality while most of my friends were walking down the aisle in white...."

To finishing reading about how I came to understand my own father wound, and how there's healing for all of us who've been wounded by our dads, head to More to Life Magazine today! #daddaugtherfriday

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